Tag: relationships

Nike Had It Right

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Josie (9 years old): Can I sing for you? I want to know if I sing good.

Me: First, you want to know if you can sing “well”, and second, what does it matter what I think? Does singing make you happy?

Josie: Yes

Me: Good, then it doesn’t matter what other people think.

Josie: But I don’t want people to make fun of me.

Me: People will make fun of you no matter how well you sing, if they want to. That’s a reflection on THEM, not YOU. So if you like to sing and it makes you happy, then sing and ignore what other people think.

(child begins singing)

This recent conversation made me think about just how much of an impact we have on each other, and how profound that impact can be. What if I had told this child that she has a terrible voice and she should never sing? And she believes me? Could it affect her relationships with other people? Could it affect the kind of person she becomes? Would she have a child some day and be afraid to sing that baby to sleep? Our actions can be so far reaching and long lasting.

Continue reading “Nike Had It Right”

STOP OBSESSING!!!

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Oprah Winfrey turned 60 this year.  When asked if she had any regrets, this is what she had to say,

“I think the hardest part of aging really is recognizing the time that you wasted and the things that you worried about that really didn’t matter. That’s really the hardest part, that’s really the only regret that I have.”

How right she is.

Her statement made me think about all the time I waste daily on stupid, ultimately pointless things.  Example:  I have friends from out of town coming to stay with me in about two weeks.  Well, you would think the Queen of England was popping by for a spot of tea.  I instantly made a list:  1) rip up carpet in unused bedroom and replace with hardwood, 2) get all of the spring landscaping clean up done NOW, 3) mulch everything (70+ bags of mulch), 4) replace kitchen screen door, 5) fix windowsill on left garage window, 6) buy a new throw blanket for the chair in the living room because the one I have now attracts too much cat hair….the list went on, but you get the picture.  I OBSESSED about this list every spare moment I had, working outside to near exhaustion because I HAVE to get everything done in time.  Will these people actually notice that every square inch of gardening bed is completely weed free and evenly mulched?  Probably not.  Will they notice the new $30 red throw blanket on the back of the chair which seems to attract less cat hair than the other perfectly good throw?  Doubtful.  But I do this to myself every day!  Not just in this one situation.  Gotta pluck that single eye brow hair because it’s clearly out of place.  I am totally out of groceries but refuse to go to the grocery store until the zit on my forehead goes away.  Because people will hone right in on that baby and stare at it like I have three heads.  Best to starve for now.  I don’t need that humiliation.

I think about how much physical stress I put on my body needlessly.  When I occasionally do catch myself fretting, I stop and take note of my body.  My abs are tight.  My teeth are clenched (I actually broke part of a molar last year from clenching me teeth too hard – no lie – and I have healthy teeth!).  My face is in a scowl (can you say ‘wrinkles’?).  My head aches.  And who knows what else is going on internally.  We all know that too much stress is NOT good for you.  And I’m wasting it on STUPID things.  I’m cutting my life short over wondering if that vague Facebook post was about me, and feeling incredibly guilty because I ate a cupcake.

The madness must end.  We ALL need to listen to Oprah on this one.  Stop worrying about that five pounds you put on over the winter.  Stop obsessing about every single tiny physical imperfection.  Stop wondering what she REALLY meant by that statement.  Stop fretting over what others think, especially those who honestly don’t matter.  Instead, practice mindfulness.  Practice gratitude.  Be YOU unapologetically.  Laugh, be thankful and believe in yourself.  Be kind to others whether or not they deserve it.  Live with purpose.  Let go of anger and fear.  You’ll live longer and you’ll be happier.  Now excuse me while I go shopping for a new pillow case because it clearly doesn’t match the other one…..

I Can’t Believe You Posted THAT Picture!

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On my birthday, a funny picture was taken of me. I was holding up my birthday cake, and pretending to take a bite out of the entire cake. It wasn’t a flattering picture at all. And the lighting was terrible. But it wasn’t supposed to be a glamour shot. It was a silly spontaneous picture taken at home with family. My boyfriend posted it on Facebook. The first person who commented said, “I can’t believe you let him post that!” Why? Because I didn’t have any makeup on? Because my hair wasn’t perfect? Because it looks like I have huge bags under my eyes? So what?! In an airbrushed world, I wanted to be real.

The reaction to my unflattering picture left me a bit unnerved. Like we aren’t already under enough pressure by the media who tells us what perfect is, how to achieve it and what a failure you are if you don’t look a certain way, now we’re doing it to each other. To friends? Am I really supposed to believe that the picture you posted of your two year old exquisitely dressed, quietly playing with her doll in a posh, spotless living room is really what your everyday life looks like? If it is, good for you. But a more accurate picture might be that same two year old with food stuck in her hair, stains on her little t-shirt, holding her doll by the hair as she tumbles through a living room littered with toys, tissues and plastic cups. We would never post THAT picture though because heaven forbid our friends think our lives are ordinary.

As Spring approaches, we are bombarded with magazines, emails, web articles and TV ads telling us what we MUST do to be ‘bikini ready’. Unless you’re a supermodel, how many of your friends look amazing in a bikini? I went to California for a week in February and actually considered NOT bringing a bathing suit because I was winter pale and didn’t consider my body tone enough to even be seen in shorts. It was 85 degrees out there! We fought a hard winter here in the Northeast. I couldn’t wait to see the sunshine and palm trees. Luckily I grabbed my suit at the last minute. Reluctantly I wore it to the hotel pool. And guess what? There wasn’t a perfect person in sight. Everyone has “flaws”! Did I sit on the lounge chair and mentally bash myself for not looking the way I wanted to? Of course I did. And what a waste of time when I could have been doing something healthier like meditating under the palm fronds.

I’m so sick of skinny girls picking on fat girls, and fat girls picking on skinny girls. There is no perfect size! Just drop that stupid argument already, please?! If you don’t like how you look, change it. But make sure you’re changing what YOU don’t like, not other’s perceptions of what is good or bad. Be healthy. Be silly. Look beautiful. Look awful. Stop worrying about the outward appearance and instead spend your time living in the moment and enjoying the experience. Share those memories no matter how imperfect they may be. Because right now is all we have. And how sad it would be to waste that time worrying about how it looks.

My Take on New Year’s Resolutions

You’re going about it all wrong.

First, I’m not big on the idea of waiting until January 1 to start anything.  You have to be mentally prepared to make changes, and the calendar should not be dictating that.  BUT if you are truly ready and you need a convenient start date, then go for it.

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You Got The Number 7

I’d love to meet the person who comes up with some of these “Facebook Oddities”.  Like Throwback Thursday.  Or “Make your status post the color of your bra”.  The latest seems to be “I’ll send you a number, and you have to list that many things about yourself that other people wouldn’t know about you”. 

I never given into these gimmicks, but I’ve been drawing a blank lately when it comes to blog topics.  And all the marketing websites tell you to write what you’re passionate about.  So I decided to combine the two ideas and see what happens.  What could go wrong? (*cough*)

1. I’ve never seen a Hobbit or Lord of the Rings movie.  Ever.  Couldn’t even tell you what they’re about. 

2.  I like cats more than people.  Not to say I don’t like people.  I do.  Most people.  But cats don’t talk behind your back.  Cats don’t get jealous.  You don’t have to try to “read” a cat; if it’s happy you’ll know it and if it’s unhappy you’ll know that too.  No guess work involved.  Cats don’t have ulterior motives.  Cats either want your attention – all of it – or they want to be left alone.  Cats love you no matter how much you weigh, if you smell bad, if you made a mistake, and they even love you when it seems like no one else in the world does.  Top THAT humans!

3.  It annoys me to no end when I walk into a department store and see a brand of cosmetics on the shelf marketing itself as ‘green’ and ‘natural’ when it’s anything but.  Leaf shaped mascara containers, green packaging, buzz words on labels, but then you read the ingredients and need a degree in biochemistry just to get through it.  I get angry at the deception.  People who don’t know any better may actually believe this stuff is better for them.  How unfair!  But these guys have more money than I’ll ever dream of seeing, so they get the shelf space.  And all I can do is keep fighting.

4.  I’m girlie and I’m not.  I love to try on gorgeous evening gowns, but then I’ll go outside later with my chainsaw and clear the woods of dead trees.  I LOVE makeup but on a summer weekend you’ll find me sweating in my garden with dirt under my nails and looking like something that had been raised in the wild by wolves.  I can’t bear to watch gory or sad things on TV, but I have a license to carry and am a pretty good shot with a 9 mm.  I’ll hang drywall, lay hardwood flooring, repair a toilet and then go get my nails done.  I will not be defined.

5.  I’m not fond of the holidays.  Only because I’m tired of the world telling me what my life should be like that time of year.  I should be wearing an apron and pulling a turkey the size of Kansas out of my oven feeding a perfect loving family of 16.  My house should be spotless and brimming with holiday décor.  There should be a mommy and a daddy and 2.5 children and grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles and cousins and babies.  And everyone should be happy.  Well guess what main stream media, most of the world isn’t like that!  And the more you try to cram it down my throat, the more I will rebel against it.  It makes me want to live on an island somewhere in the tropics for the months of November and December. 

6.  I believe it is each person’s mission to somehow leave this world a better place.  Whether you’re Einstein and come up with that whole theory of relativity thing, or you’re Mrs. Jones down the street who created a neighborhood garden to help feed her community.  We’ve been given the gift of life.  And I think we owe it to the world to somehow leave it a little bit better because we were here. 

7. I’m a control freak.  I’m a clean freak.  I’ll cry over a cartoon if it’s sad, but I’ll never cry in front of anyone.  I like tomatoes but only if they’re hot (sauce, soup, bruschetta); raw cold tomatoes make me gag.  I’ve never been happy with my body weight, ever.  I would do anything to save or protect an animal.  I don’t kill spiders.  I catch them and release them outside because I think it’s wrong to kill them just because they look kinda creepy.  I’ve never eaten Brussels sprouts.  I am fiercely independent.  I am honest to a fault.  I hate seafood.  My favorite holidays are Valentine’s Day and Halloween.  I believe that everyone is responsible for their own actions, and our lives are the results of the choices we make.  I believe you can have anything you want if you want it badly enough.  I believe everyone has a purpose.  And I don’t think I’ve figured mine out yet.