Tag: relationships

BE NICE!!

Many years ago, I took a college course about entrepreneurialism. We studied several companies such as LL Bean, Harley Davidson, Nike and examined what made them successful. One aspect that resonated with me was good customer service. If you keep your customers happy, chances are you’ll have that customer for a long time.

Eighteen years later, here I am, president of my own company. That fact alone still kind of blows me away, but I’ll save that self-examination for another time. I personally deal with customer service on a daily basis. Our office manager Lisa handles most of the calls that come in, but I handle the emails. “Why?” you might ask, “doesn’t the president have more important things to do?” Absolutely not. Sure I’ve got to pay bills and generate sales and create new products, and all those things are very important. But how will I know how people feel about my brand if I don’t talk to them? How will I know what they like and don’t like if I don’t listen to what they have to say? Is it fun to handle customer service? Um, no, not always. And sometimes it’s awesome.

Case in point: Last week, an apparently older gentleman emailed me about some lipstick his wife had purchased from our web site. She had ordered samples, chosen three shades she liked, and then ordered the full sized tubes. But she claimed that the full sized product did not match the samples she had gotten earlier that month. Referring to the three tubes of lipstick, he wrote: “My wife received all 3 and they were not anywhere close to the shades she picked out. The colors were much lighter and are unusable as far as my wife is concerned. She is accustomed to paying far less than the $ 45.00 it cost for your 3 shades of lipsticks but my daughter assured her it would be worth it. My wife is 84 and she takes pride in making herself looking as good as she can. Is there anything you can do to correct this as we live on a fixed income and this is a major purchase as far as we are concerned. Thank you for considering this…” After cracking up at the phrase “she takes pride in making herself look as good as she can”, I proceeded to explain to the gentleman that the shades had to be identical. We use the actual lipstick tubes from the same batch, and cut them into ¼” slices to use as samples. I thought maybe his wife had just looked at the samples and not actually tried them on. Well, my response set him off. He responded, “Of course she tried them that’s why she ordered them but the product although you say it is the same it is not. I can see you have no intention of helping us with this, We will write an appropriate response to others so they wont make the same mistake of ordering from a company that is only interested in selling their products and not satisfying their customers…”

This is where I get frustrated. I want to say there is no way possible the two can be different because they are coming from the SAME place. But I just say that in my head. Maybe other companies walk away at this point. Maybe they don’t want to deal with someone who seems unreasonable. It’s just one customer, right? Wrong. How they feel about my company is a reflection on ME. I wouldn’t want someone feeling negative about me (unless it was warranted). So I patiently wrote back, “I am not writing you off. I am merely trying to understand the scope of the problem. I thought perhaps your wife was going by sight only and not actually trying the product. I am really trying to understand how they could be so different when both products are coming from the same batch. Tell me what kind of color your wife is looking for. Pink? Mauve? You’re saying all the shades you purchased were too light. So she is looking for something with more color?” I really wanted to help this man. I wanted his wife to be happy with the purchase. In the end, they chose another color. AND he apologized to me, “Please accept my apology for overreacting to the way you handled the solution to our problem with the order we made with your company. I do appreciate your patience and generosity in handling this matter. I will recommend your company for it’s fairness and cooperative spirit you have shown. I am sending a copy to my daughter also, who recommended your company and has always been happy with your service.” That made my day.

Are we programed to overreact or strong arm just to get what we want? “I’m going to threaten to leave AT&T if they don’t lower my rate.” “If I threaten to cancel this credit card, I’ll bet they will give me a better interest rate.” Sadly, it seems like this may be our new reality. It shouldn’t be like that! Why can’t we treat each other respectfully and both work together to solve any issues that come up? Why don’t customers approach a problem in a calm manner before freaking out? Why don’t more companies treat their customers like they matter? Maybe that’s why LL Bean has been around for over 100 years. Because you know if the jeans you bought don’t fit, you can return them for another size without incident. Do some people take advantage of ‘nice’ companies? Sadly, they do. But maybe if more companies and customers started treating each other the way they would treat a good friend, more companies would survive, more customers would be happy and the world would be a little bit more pleasant.

Take Care of Your Heart



Looking great on the outside is not nearly as important as looking great on the INSIDE. February is American Heart Health month, a great time educate Americans on what we can do to live heart-healthy lives. Heart disease, including stroke, is the leading cause of death for men and women in the United States. These diseases, the nation’s No. 1 and No. 3 killers, claim more than 865,000 American lives a year.

Cutting your risk for cardiovascular disease doesn’t necessarily require a total lifestyle overhaul. Many heart-healthy habits are surprisingly easy to adopt. Here are some simple quick fixes that can help your heart:

1. Yoga

Medical research shows that yoga promotes heart health and decreases the risk of heart attack and stroke. Of note, one study presented at the annual meeting of the American Heart Association in Orlando reports transcendental meditation (TM) could potentially lower the risk of heart attack and death by up to 47 percent in patients with heart disease. Transcendental meditation (TM) is a form of yoga meditation introduced by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in the 1960s.

2. Togetherness

Having a close relationship with another person, be it a friend, lover or relative is so heartwarming it can halve the risk of a heart attack in someone who has already had a heart attack, a 2004 heart study suggests. And one State University of New York at Oswego investigation found that blood pressure dropped when one spent time with a spouse or partner. While researchers can’t pinpoint exactly why this is the case, it could be that having a close relationship with someone else may lead to better health habits and less depression.

Toxic relationships, on the other hand, do the heart no favors, though. In one 12-year study, British civil servants in bad relationships were 34 percent more likely to have heart attacks or heart trouble than those in happier relationships.

3. Chocolate anyone?

Dark chocolate contains high concentrations of cocoa. Intake of this anti-oxidant rich substance appears to relax blood vessels, lower blood pressure and control blood sugar. But don’t go nuts. A single 1.5 ounce serving will do the trick without adding an overabundance of fat, sugar or calories to your diet.

4. I like to Move it, Move It

When researchers from the University of South Carolina analyzed the daily movement patterns of adult men, they found that those who were the least active throughout the day had a 64 percent greater risk of dying from heart disease compared with men who reported living a less sedentary lifestyle.

Spending too much time rooted to the couch or chair may pack on unhealthy fat around the heart and lead to less desirable levels of cholesterol, blood sugar, triglycerides and waist size, research suggests. This appears to be true even for people who maintain a regular exercise routine.

5. Don’t forget your veggies

Leafy greens are an excellent source of vitamins and phytochemicals associated with a lower risk of heart disease and depression. Make a salad and toss in a half cup of steamed asparagus or a couple of slices of avocado. These are two veggies packed with folate, a vitamin that helps head off blood-vessel inflammation. To lower LDL, or “bad cholesterol,” swap out the croutons for a handful of almonds or cranberries. Finally, top it all off with a vinaigrette dressing. Harvard research suggests two tablespoons daily can cut the risk of heart disease in women.

6. Get your zzzzz’s

Findings released last year by Chicago Medical School suggest that people who catch fewer than six hours of sleep a night are twice as likely to have a stroke or heart attack, and one-and-a-half times more likely to have congestive heart failure, whereas people who slumber more than eight hours a night are more likely to experience chest pain and coronary artery disease.

“Somewhere around eight hours seems optimal,” Becker acknowledged. “But sleep alone won’t necessarily impact heart health unless it’s put in context with nutrition, activity, stress management and all of your other health habits.”

16 Ways I Blew My Marriage



Valentine’s Day is over. Unfortunately, many relationships fall back into ‘back seat mode’, meaning they take a back seat to everything else in your life (job, kids, etc.) And that’s when things can fall apart.

Recently Dan Pearce, author of the blog Single Dad Laughing, wrote a piece about the break up of his marriage. It’s an interesting enough perspective, that I decided to re-post it here. Read, contemplate and enjoy.

16 Ways I Blew My Marriage, Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

You know what blows big time?

The other night I was sitting with my family, most of whom are very successfully married. We were going in a circle giving our best marriage advice to my little sister on the eve of her wedding. It’s somewhat of a family tradition.

But that’s not what blows. What really blows is that I realized I don’t have any good marriage advice to give. After all, I’ve never had a successful marriage out of the two marriages I did have.

And so, when it was my turn, I just made a joke about divorce and how you should always remember why you loved your spouse when you first met her so that when times get tough, you can find someone new that is just like she was.

There were a couple courtesy giggles, but overall my humor wasn’t welcome in such a beautifully building ring of profundity.

They finished round one, and for some reason started into another round. And that’s when I realized. Hey. I don’t have marriage advice to give, but I have plenty of “keep your marriage from ending” advice (two equivocally different things), and that might be almost as good.

It eventually came to me again, and what I said would have been such great advice if I were a tenth as good at saying things as I was at writing them.

And so, that night, I sat down and wrote out my “advice list” for my little sister. You know… things I wish I would have known or done differently so that I didn’t end up divorced (twice). After writing it, I thought maybe I’d share it with all of you, too.

I call it my “Ways I Blew My Marriage” list. Also, for the list’s sake, I am just going to refer to “her” instead of “them” even though they almost all were true in both marriages.

1. DON’T STOP HOLDING HER HAND

When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It didn’t matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d hold her hand in the car. I’d hold her hand on a star. I’d hold her hand in a box. I’d hold her hand with a fox. And I’d hold her hand everywhere else, too, even when we didn’t particularly like each other for the moment.

BONUS! When you hold hands in the winter, they don’t get cold. True story.

2. Don’t stop trying to be attractive.

Obviously when I was working to woo her, I would do myself up as attractively as I possibly could every time I saw her. I kept perfectly groomed. I always smelled good. I held in my farts until she wasn’t around. For some reason, marriage made me feel like I could stop doing all that. I would get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time we went out somewhere or I went out by myself, but I rarely, if ever, cared about making myself attractive just for her.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try and put my best foot forward throughout our entire marriage. I’d wait to fart until I was in the bathroom whenever possible. I’d make myself desirable so that she would desire me.

BONUS! when you trim your man hair, guess what. She returns the favor.

3. Don’t always point out her weaknesses.

For some reason, somewhere along the way, I always ended up feeling like it was my place to tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I sure as heck didn’t do that while we were dating. No, when I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldn’t even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I wouldn’t say a damned thing about anything that I thought could use improvement. I’ve learned since my marriage ended that there is more than one right way to do most things, and that the imperfections of others are too beautiful to try and change.

BONUS! when you tell her what she’s doing right, she’ll tell you what you’re doing right. And she’ll also tell her friends. And her family. And the dentist. And even strangers on the street.

4. Don’t stop cooking for her.

I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didn’t do that for her after we got married? Sure, I’d throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a priority to cook for her, and only her, something awesome at least every month. And I’d remember that meat in a can is never awesome.

BONUS! candlelit dinners often lead to candlelit bow chica bow-wow.

5. Don’t yell at your spouse.

I’m not talking about the angry kind of yelling. I’m talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you don’t want to get up from your television show or you don’t want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask her if she’s seen your keys. It really doesn’t take that much effort to go find her, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try to go find her anytime I needed something or wanted to know something, and I’d have both gratitude and manners when I did. I always hated when she would yell to me, so why did I always feel it was okay to yell to her?

BONUS! sometimes you catch her doing something cute that you would have missed otherwise.

6. Don’t call names.

I always felt I was the king of not calling names, but I wasn’t. I may not have called her stupid, or idiot, or any of the other names she’d sometimes call me, but I would tell her she was stubborn, or that she was impossible, or that she was so hard to deal with. Names are names, and calling them will drive bigger wedges in communication than just about anything else.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: Any time it got to the point that I wanted to call names, I’d call a time-out and come back to it later. Or better yet, I’d call her names, but they’d be names like “super sexy” or “hotness.” Even in the heat of the moment.

BONUS! she’ll call you names in better places. Like the bedroom.

7. Don’t be stingy with your money.

As the main bread earner, I was always so stingy with the money. I’d whine about the cost of her shampoo or that she didn’t order water at restaurants, or that she’d spend so much money on things like pedicures or hair dye jobs. But seriously. I always had just as many if not more things that I spent my money on, and in the end, the money was spent, we were just fine, and the only thing my bitching and moaning did was bring undo stress to our relationship.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d tell her I trusted her to buy whatever she wanted, whenever she felt like she needed it. And then, I’d actually trust her to do it.

BONUS! sometimes she will make bad purchase decisions, which leads to makeup purchase decisions. Like that new gadget you’ve had your eyes on.

8. Don’t argue in front of the kids.

There was never any argument that was so important or pressing that we couldn’t wait to have it until the kids weren’t there. I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist or super-shrink to know why fighting in front of the kids is a dangerous and selfish way of doing things.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I would never, ever, not even once fight in front of the kids, no matter how big or how small the issue was. I’d maybe make a code word that meant, “not with the kids here.”

BONUS! when you wait to fight, usually you both realize how stupid or unimportant the fight was and the fight never happens.

9. Don’t encourage each other to skip working out.

I always thought it was love to tell my spouse, “I don’t care if you don’t take care of yourself. I don’t care if you don’t exercise. I don’t care if you let yourself go.” But that was lying, and it was lying when she said it to me because the truth is, we did care and I wish that we would have always told each other how sexy and attractive the other was any time we’d go workout or do something to become healthier.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d ask her to tell me that she cared. I’d ask her to encourage me to go to the gym. I’d ask her to remind me of my goals and tell me I’m strong enough to keep them.

BONUS! exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. And happy people don’t kill other people. (Name that movie!)

10. Don’t poop with the bathroom door open.

I don’t know why, but at some point I started thinking it was okay to poop with the bathroom door open, and so did she. First of all, it’s gross. Second of all, it stinks everything up. Third of all, there is literally no way to make pooping attractive, which means that every time she saw me do it, she, at least in some little way, would have thought I was less attractive.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d shut the damn door and poop in private.

BONUS! when she does think of your naked body, she’s not going to be thinking about it in a grunting/squatting position.

11. Don’t stop kissing her.

It always got to a point when I’d more or less stop kissing her. Usually it was because things were stressful and there was tension in our relationship, and so I’d make it worse by refusing to kiss her. This of course would lead to her feeling rejected. Which would of course lead to arguments about it. Other times I had my own issues with germs and whatnot.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d kiss her in the morning when she looked like people do in the morning. I’d kiss her at night when she’s had a long day. I’d kiss her any time I felt like she secretly wanted a kiss. And, I’d kiss her even when my germ issues kicked in.

BONUS! she feels loved when you kiss her. That’s bonus enough.

12. Don’t stop having fun together.

Age shouldn’t matter. Physical ability shouldn’t matter. Couples should never stop having fun with each other, and I really wish I wouldn’t have gotten into so many ruts in which we didn’t really go out and do anything. And, I’ve been around the block enough times to know that when the fun is missing, and the social part of life is missing, so also goes missing the ability to be fully content with each other.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make a rule with her that we’d never stay home two weekends in a row.

BONUS! awesome stories and awesome memories come from doing awesome things. And so do cherished embarrassing moments.

13. Don’t pressure each other.

Pressuring each other about anything is always a recipe for resentment. I always felt so pressured to make more money. I always felt so pressured to not slip in my religion. I always felt so pressured to feel certain ways about things when I felt the opposite. And I usually carried a lot of resentment. Looking back, I can think of just as many times that I pressured her, so I know it was a two-way street.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a point to celebrate the different views, opinions, and ways that she had of doing things. I’d find the beauty in differentiation, not the threat.

BONUS! authentic happiness becomes a real possibility. And so do authentic foot rubs.

14. Don’t label each other with negative labels.

Sometimes the easiest phrases to say in my marriage started with one of three things. Either, “you should have,” “you aren’t,” or “you didn’t.” Inevitably after each of those seemed to come something negative. And since when have negative labels ever helped anyone? They certainly never helped her. Or me. Instead, they seemed to make the action that sparked the label worsen in big ways.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I would learn to stop myself before saying any of those phrases, and then I’d switch them out for positive labels. Instead of “you should,” I’d say “you are great at.” Instead of saying “you aren’t,” I’d say “you are.” Instead of saying “you didn’t,” I’d say, “you did.” And then I’d follow it up with something positive.

BONUS! the noblest struggles become far more conquerable. And you don’t think or believe that you’re a schmuck, which is always nice.

15. Don’t skip out on things that are important to her.

It was so easy in marriage to veto so many of the things she enjoyed doing. My reasoning, “we can find things we both enjoy.” That’s lame. There will always be things she enjoys that I will never enjoy, and that’s no reason not to support her in them. Sometimes the only thing she needs is to know that I’m there.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d attend many more of the events that she invited me to. I would actively participate and not tell all the reasons why I’d do it differently or how it could be better or more fun or time better spent.

BONUS! go to something she knows you don’t enjoy and the gratitude gets piled on later that night, like whipped cream on a cheesecake.

16. Don’t emotionally distance yourself after a fight.

I never got to experience the power of make-up sex because any time my wife was mean or we got in a fight, I’d completely distance myself from her, usually for several days. Communication would shut down and I’d avoid contact at all cost. This never let things get worked out, and eventually after it had happened enough times I’d explode unnecessarily.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d let myself communicate my emotions and feelings more often, and I’d make sure that she knew I still loved her any time we had an ugly bout. Sure, we’d give each other some distance. But not days of distance.

BONUS! Fantastic make-up sex. Or at least that’s the theory.

I had lots more written out, but the list started getting super long so I’ll stop right there and maybe do a part 2. It’s amazing when you’ve had relationships end, just how much you learn and know you could have done differently, isn’t it?

My sister and her new husband will be amazing. Hopefully she’ll always be giving amazing marriage advice in the future and never have to hand out the “keep your marriage from ending” advice like I get to.